cdl.me

Sometimes late at night I have ideas for jokes to tweet. Since I’m usually half asleep when I think of them and not knowing if they’re actually good or just good because I’m half asleep I save them in my drafts so I can tweet them in the morning. Usually once I read them again I think they’re not that good, so they just stay in my drafts forever. Here are some of my drafts I’ll probably never tweet.

• “Age is just a number” doesn’t work in court. Whatever, the 6 year old was asking for it.
• I think I would be alone if I left the house and socialized but who wants to do that
• Pillow Talk? Like talk about pillows? Mine is really comfy
• Is Heaven a missing an Angel because I want to have sex with you
• My dream is to write for fortune cookies “You’ll never find love if you keep eating” “Open your mind (and your legs) and love will come”
• Scissoring, Raper, Cock
• Orange juice. Orange Jews. Oompa Loompa’s.
• Judas. Jewdas.
• Do Jews believe in life after love
• I’m going to name my child Sudo so he’ll have to do what I say
• My biggest fear is fat people. Because they’re big. Biggest fear. I don’t know.
• Polish Pole Dancer.
• A dyslexic orders a red gin. Everything goes wrong (Nigder sounds like nigger)

The Jew jokes were written while I was sick, I had anti-semitic germs.