cdl.me

I am what you would call a lady’s man, well you would if it was opposite day…wait no then I’m a man’s man. Scratch all that, here are just some ways to pick up the lady folk.

1. The phony foreigner

This is fairly simple. Introduce yourself to a girl, become her good friend and after a few months/years say that you aren’t an Australian citizen and you’re being forced to move back to your country unless you get married. Taking pity on you she will agree to marry you. Once she marries you admit you were lying and that she is forced to stay with you forever and hopefully she will fall in love with you eventually. If not there’s always cold emotionless sex which is probably pretty alright.

2. The lesbian

Go to a lesbian bar dressed as a woman. It doesn’t matter if you’re a rather manly man as most lesbians look like men. Start chatting up a girl and mention needing a roommate and asking her to move in. Lesbians love moving in on the first date, so naturally she will go straight back to your house and have sex. You have to be crafty disguising your penis for this one, but I find painting it purple usually makes it look like a strap-on. Once the sex is finished RUN RUN RUN! If the lesbian finds out she was wronged she will murder you as lesbians are crazy.

3. The roofie

Go to a club and chat up a girl like you normally would. When she isn’t looking roofie her drink. Once she’s knocked out take her into the club bathroom and give her a makeover. Fix her hair, put on nice makeup, maybe even change her clothes into something nicer. When she comes to she will be so appreciative of what you did for her she will have sex with you.

4. The gay friend

This is similar to number 1, but while being her friend you have to convince her you’re gay. This may include making out with guys when she’s around so it should be saved for only super attractive girls/if you haven’t had sex in a while. Once you gain her trust as her gay friend say that you are confused as to whether you like girls or guys as you have never been with a girl before. She will most likely have sex and even if she doesn’t you will probably have seen her naked while being her gay friend so it’s basically a win-win.

5. The prostitute.

Pay a prostitute for sex.