cdl.me

About an hour ago I went into the bathroom to wash my hands. I often go in there to wash my hands so this was a normal thing to do, what wasn’t normal was the GIANT FUCKING SPIDER ON THE WALL!

I walked into the bathroom to wash my hands, and on the wall was a big fuck-off sized spider (Read: bigger than my hand) on the wall. It was one of those spiders that is so big it actually has a face. I mean, they all do, but it’s face was big enough to see it.

So anyway, being the man I am, I screamed and ran to get some insect spray. I grabbed my weapon as I went back to the bathroom to fight my eight legged foe.

I opened the door and spotted him, I aimed the spray and sprayed him in his stupid face for probably ten seconds until he fell off the wall and onto the floor with a loud THUD!

I assumed he was dead, so I shut the door of the bathroom and hopped on my way back to the computer to waste more time. An hour or so passed and I decided it was time I go to bed, so as always I went to the toilet, and afterwards went to wash my hands. I opened the door and there was the spider. He had moved now, but I knew it was him. Sitting there on the wall as if to say “Hey man, I know you sprayed me in the face with poison, but I’m fucking immortal! FUCK YOU FAGGOT HAHAHAHA!”.

I would not stand for his insolence. I shut the door so he wouldn’t escape and set back out to get my insect spray, knowing this time he would DIE!

I ventured back into the bathroom, again with my weapon. I opened the door and SPRAYED HIM AGAIN IN HIS STUPID UGLY SPIDER FACE!

He did not like this. While still attached to the wall he raised his front legs, as if wanting to fight. I was not scared, I was a man with a large can of poison. NOTHING COULD STOP ME! I continued spraying and spraying, the spider still in attack position and then…he fell. He fell off the wall and into the bathtub.

I wish I could say I went to look if he died, but I didn’t. I shut the door and ran screaming like a woman down the hall hoping he wasn’t still alive and that somehow he had learned to use door knobs.

I am about to go back in to see if he is dead. Wish me luck.

UPDATE:

I went back into the toilet to check if it has died, but as I was checking the Facebook chat sound went off. I got scared by the sudden noise so I switched off the light, shut the door and ran away faster than I have ever done anything before in my life. I’m just going to run on the theory it’s dead and try to go to sleep.

I left a note on the door “To whom it may concern, there is a giant spider in the bathroom. I sprayed it in the face with insect spray but that just made it mad. BE CAREFUL! Insect spray in in the toilet” and I drew an arrow in case they forget where the toilet is, so hopefully no one in the house dies…or if they do I hope they kill the spider at the same time because, like, I need to shower.