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I’ve just found out that a cyclone may be hitting Townsville. It could flood and I could die, but if I don’t die from that, I could die from my surgery on Friday. I think there’s like an 80% I’ll be dead before March, so I decided to write out a will and funeral plan.

When I die I want my body preserved in a giant cryogenic freezer, just in case I wake up after a while. I want to be buried in a pyramid like a pharaoh, with full power. I want all of my electronic stuff set up in case I do come back to life. That way I’ll have something to do. Oh, also my phone should be buried with me in case I want to order a pizza or tweet while I’m down there. Oh, and all my plush toys should be buried with me too, along with Ben Harlum. I should be buried with my slaves just as pharaohs were. 

A giant statue of me should be erected (hehe, erected) in my honour in place of the Statue of Liberty. Instead of that stupid torch thing I should have a lazer that shoots immigrants when they try to sail into New York.

All other items should be given to Jake so he can sell them for more purple shoes. Also, he gains control of my twitter account.